Developing Zen

January 27, 2008

I spent all day shooting film and developing negatives. I was alone most of the day. There were a few people around but I took little notice of them. Campus was nearly empty, a ghost town of sorts, perfect for taking pictures in hallways and staircases, in computer labs and library stacks. I just went where my eye took me. I tried to remember the assignment we had…

Engage your subject (fill the frame)

Use the rule of thirds (if you find it helpful)

Think about the edges and the middle will take care of itself

I’m not sure I followed all of it but I know I got some great shots. I just turned off my mind and followed my eye. It was Zen-like, mindful acceptance of the present moment. Nothing existed today outside of my eye…my lens…my artistic vision.

I came home after shooting, rested a bit, had some lunch and then couldn’t stand waiting so I drove back to campus to develop my negatives. I had to see what I got.

After getting the film on reels in the canister the processing begins.

Rinse

Pour chemicals

Watch the time

Agitate the canister

Pour out, pour in

Time

Agitate

Pour out, pour in

Time

Agitate

Ten minutes

Then one

Five minutes

Rinse

Three minutes

Rinse

One more

Done

Agitation cycles

Thirty seconds

Wait

Five seconds

Wait

Five seconds wait

Stay in the moment

Don’t lose concentration

Where are you now?

What’s next?

I love being in the darkroom. The flow of the chemicals. The flow of the process. The flow of time. Meditation. Let the thoughts enter your mind and let them leave again. Focus on the process.

Can I handle being just Jonathan’s friend? Will we eventually fall in love again? It all just doesn’t matter when my goal is to process my negatives.

If I think of our relationship in terms of photo chemicals it goes like this…

We developed a love…

Stopped it and put it in the fixer to wait…

He took it out too early.

The image faded away.

We need to start over.

We’re back in the developer. If we follow the process just right…we may end up with a lasting print. But it’s all so complicated…so many things can go wrong. We need to be mindful…stay in the moment and not get caught up in figuring out what comes next. Let go of anger and our past mistakes. Let go of guilt.

It’s a process just like film developing. I need to stay in a Zen-like state about Jonathan…take it as it comes…stay in the present moment. We are what we are and that’s enough. That’s more than enough.

He’s back in my life…in my present…not past or future just now.

Now…

In the now…

Just me…Marissa

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