March 6, 2008
Since Smith is out of the country and I have to occupy my time for the next week before I can resume anything with him, I’ll take a side road today. You’ll have to see if you can figure out the connections to the vid choice…it’s a bit conceptual.
Anyway, back to sociological theory of sexuality. One of the most revolutionary ideas I have read about recently is monosexuality vs bisexuality. I first encountered this idea from an article by Amber Ault, “Ambiguous Identity in an Unambiguous Sex/Gender Structure: The Case of the Bisexual Woman,” published in 1996 in The Sociological Quarterly.
Let me explain Ault’s idea…
Bisexual people are trying to gain acceptance of their identity by the wider community. The problem is that we live in a dichotomous society. Everything is seen as either/or and no in-between or third choice is offered. You have to either choose heterosexuality or homosexuality. One way that bisexuals can gain a central position in society is by posing a new kind of thinking.
Heterosexuals and homosexuals can be defined as being attracted to only one of the sexes, either their own or the “other” sex. Both of these groups can then be said to be monosexual.
We have now set up a new dichotomy…bisexual vs monosexual. This is an extremely interesting idea. Heterosexuals and homosexuals now become the same group. Bisexuals become the desired sexual identity, because they are more “evolved” so to speak and see beyond gender. I have to quote Ault here because she puts it so pointedly…
“This discourse moves bisexuals from the margin to the center, where bisexuality and bi identity become normative and gay and heterosexual people are constructed as relatively depraved. This model posits lesbians, gays and heterosexual men and women as a monolithic “semi-sexual” collective composed of those sexually limited by a pathological preference for intimacy with members of only one sex” (458).
I love that! Sorry…I’m allowing my emotions to get in the way of an academic discussion. I am picturing a therapy session where a monosexual person is being questioned about their aversion to one sex or the other. Their past is delved into in the hopes of uncovering some event that may have limited their sexuality. The idea is that they can be cured, like some people try to do for homosexuals now. This picture is not one I would like to see happen in real life but it sure would make an interesting sci-fi flick. (I’m writing the screenplay now.)
Being a bisexual woman, I get a little tired of reading about the attitudes of both the heterosexual and homosexual worlds about bisexuals. I want people to know that my identity is valid. Playing with ideas like this is very satisfying.
Ideas like Ault’s make me want to show the heterosexual and homosexual worlds how much they are alike. Right now there is a very strong push for the legalization of gay marriage. I fully support the right of gays and lesbians to get married. I may choose, at some point, to marry a woman. The thing is, being bisexual I am seen as not being able to be monogamous and monogamy is still the desired state of being in our society. I was in a monogamous relationship for thirteen years so the assumptions are just not true. I’m not in a relationship now but if I was, monogamy wouldn’t have to be the way my relationship would be arranged. It would depend on how my primary partner and I felt about it, together. I was non-monogamous for a couple of years with my husband. It worked for us at the time. Our marriage didn’t break up because of non-monogamy. I know many happy non-monogamous couples, in most of which the wife is bisexual and allowed to have relationships with women (and sometimes men) yet still be married. (the husband’s usually get to play too) The homosexual world has recreated the white picket fence monogamous idea of the perfect life, with one small twist, the couple is of the same gender. Bisexuals call everything in to question. We rock the boat. Societal assumptions about preferred and successful relationships are shaken up, become unstable and maybe even will eventually fall apart.
I think this idea could be really revolutionary. It could change the way we think about sexuality and relationships. It could make everyone see that options are there and we don’t have to look at things in only one way. I don’t mean to imply that I am against monosexuality or anyone that chooses to be monogamous. Like I said, I have been and may be again. Right now I am not in a relationship but I hope to be again someday. I should say, I know I will be again someday. I’m open to the different ways a relationship can be arranged. I’m supportive of others’ choices about how they arrange their lives and relationships. I don’t judge them. The reason I wanted to post about this is not to disparage anyone, but to open minds to new ways of thinking. Maybe if we start flipping over the map and looking at it in all the different ways we can, we’ll see that things are not necessarily the way we thought they were.
Welcome to a new kind of tension…
Just me…Marissa former depraved monosexual that has been cured…lol
16 comments
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March 6, 2008 at 8:14 pm
runningoutandabout
That might just be the best blog post ever. I do have to admit that I am tempted to steal the post title, but I suppose that would be poor blogging etiquette
March 6, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Marissa
I’m very flattered…thank you! Glad you liked the title and the post. I was blown away when I read that whole mono vs bi idea. It was a WOW! moment for me. Feel free to link to the post if you want.
And…that has to be the best blog comment ever…:)
March 6, 2008 at 10:52 pm
Red Wine Gums
So I’m not only deprived but also depraved it turns out… OK
Definitely an interesting concept. Also interesting that one has to choose between hetero & homo-sexuality if that is indeed the case. No clue about the sub culture out there but does it assume that sexuality is fixed? Aren’t there degrees of sexuality? Interesting idea if nothing else.
Shot in the dark here at the vid but is it to do with illusions and being shatterd?
March 7, 2008 at 8:41 am
Marissa
RWG – You are not deprived…you’ve chosen to go without. I’m sure there would be plenty of women interested had you made another choice.
Choosing one over the other is a societal ideal. There certainly are people that don’t comform to “normal” sexuality but when someone is trying to figure you out they want to know if you’re gay or straight. Other options don’t often come into the thought process. Bisexuals have been thought of a fickle, promiscuous, confused and on the path to one or the other but not having a valid identity as bi. Many people do think sexuality is fixed, essential, biologically based. I don’t happen to agree with that.
As far as the vid goes, many things connect with this post… “a new kind of tension”…the idea that there is propaganda that says we should be a certain way…that media plays into these ideas…and politics. It also seems like America (meaning the US) is far more prudish about sexuality than some other countries. And yes, what you said is also true. I think the song is rather appropos to the topic and can also be applied to many other things.
Happy to introduce you to some new ideas.
March 7, 2008 at 12:49 pm
seattledan
Oh my where to begin…..? Well I feel fortunate to have traveled a fair amount to Europe during my formative years and that no doubt helped to instill a certain level of tolerance and acceptance. To this day I travel over 100k miles a year and continue to keep an open mind and enjoy speaking with people on topics from sex to politics. Americans too often have the belief that our way is the right way or the only way and this is simply untrue. One of my favorite galleries in Munch has the coolest neon sigh above the entrance that reads “Imagine The Opposite”….that pretty much sums it up for me.
Have a great weekend
Dan
March 7, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Plays In Dirt
I see this post has peaked the interest of many other besides myself. I feel pulled to agree with this concept and have played with such ideas on many levels but never has it been sharpened and focused in for me.
Thank you for that.
I am not bi nor am I a lesbian, so I guess I am a depraved mono. And I might say deprived also… except that I’ve had no opportunity to taste what I might otherwise miss.
Love your musings,
Terra
March 8, 2008 at 9:29 am
Marissa
Dan – Europeans do seem to feel a lot differently than Americans do about such things. Love that sign! If I ever go to Munich I’m headed there. My weekend…went to see a friend belly dancing…and that’s about all that’s going on this weekend. Hope you’re having a good one!
Terra – This post did seem to incite commenting! I also have thought about different ways of thinking about sexuality but this idea really hit me over the head and I wanted to share it. I’m glad it’s touching nerves for others, too. Thank you for reading and for your supportive comments.
Best, Marissa
March 8, 2008 at 9:15 pm
longstems
Dang, I logged in, and posted my comment, and it put it on a different post! LOL
So that comment on “Christian Gay-Haters”? That belongs here.
[edit:added the other comment here]
“OMG I so wanna read that screenplay! Write it! It’s a great idea!
And you’re one SEXY bisexual.
I know this for a fact. hehe As for gay bars… I’m not sure if I’d be brave enough to go into one. Most gay women freak me out because I go for the girly-girl types.”
And btw… you… yes you, with the gorgeous hair and amazingly sexy ass… wanna go out?
March 8, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Marissa
longstems – There…fixed ya right up on the comment…lol.
Maybe that screenplay should be my summer writing project for the grant I’m applying for….hmmm. Thank you…equally sexy siren you! I’ve been in all the local gay bars but always with my husband, a group of gay male friends from the theater, and the occasional straight man or woman tagging along. I’ve never been to any of them alone. That freaks me out! Maybe we should go together sometime…;)
March 9, 2008 at 7:57 am
Red Wine Gums
Aw come on longstems! Even I’ve been to a gay bar!
March 10, 2008 at 9:42 pm
saintpaulgrrl
Actually, I have always considered genuine bisexuality as being a highly evolved form of sexuality, a form of sexuality that can only be embraced by someone who has the mental, emotional, and psychological flexibility to think and feel fluidly and creatively. And rather than bisexual persons not perceiving in terms of gender, I think (at least in my own case) that bisexuality is being able to appreciate the gender characteristics of both sexes. I know that I think very much in terms of gender, and I’m aware that I can appreciate quite a range of desirable sexual traits as they apply to both men and women. I enjoy and savor the variety — because I’m very highly evolved!
March 11, 2008 at 9:53 pm
Marissa
RWG – LOL
Saintpaulgrrl – You make a very good point about appreciating gender differences instead of “seeing beyond gender” as much of the bi discourse proposes. Variety is the spice of life they’ve said for a long time…maybe time to really think about that! Darwin was right about evolution being a wonderful thing…;)
March 15, 2008 at 7:40 pm
runningoutandabout
Thanks, and I will. Just as soon as I figure out how to do said link.
March 16, 2008 at 12:30 am
# 6 « Me and My (F)underwear
[...] # 6 I love this and this is a good read too [...]
March 16, 2008 at 12:51 pm
Marissa
Runningoutandabout – If you’re on wordpress…when you write the post there is a chain link button on your toolbar…click it to add a hyperlink…not hard.
March 16, 2008 at 5:33 pm
runningoutandabout
it sure wasn’t…pitty