February 7, 2008

Why is it that in the past year I’ve had two men cry to me over other women after we had sex? Almost directly after the sexual release, they explained their troubles, asked me for advice, for council, for some secret window into the female psyche. These sexual experiences transcended traditional ideas of casual sex and spoke to my relationship with these men as being one of sexual healer instead of just sex object.

I was reading a journal article by Loraine Hutchins recently entitled, “Bisexual Women as Emblematic Sexual Healers and the Problematics of the Embodied Sacred Whore.”

If you’ve never heard of a Sacred Whore Hutchins explains, “The Sacred Whore, as we know her, originated during the second wave of feminism during the Seventies. She was imagined as an archetype evocative of ancient times when Erotic Priestesses plied their sexual healing arts in temples dedicated to female deities.”

Her article is essentially about sexual healing arts and how bisexual people are particularly suited to such a profession because, “we love beyond gender and teach others to serve as societal/erotic agents of change.” She talks about the integration of sexuality and spirituality and the politics of sexual healing. It’s a very interesting article published in the Journal of Bisexuality in 2002.

Last night I felt like a Sacred Whore. I got a call late in the evening asking me to come over…for sex. He was angry and upset, not with me, with another woman. He made it clear that this was not the start of a romantic relationship, it was sex. It took me awhile to decide if I was going to agree to his suggestion and come over.

I did. I drove over to his place at midnight.

I spoke to a friend today about last night and she said she would have been pissed, called him all kinds of expletives and done something horrible to him if he had done that to her, used her like that. I didn’t feel used. I felt needed and not just for sex. He was reaching out to me, explaining things he had lied about, coming clean, confessing, seeking comfort.

I came over, we had sex and then he started telling me about the situation with his ex. He cried, I held him, listened and tried to help him feel better. For some reason men feel comfortable opening up emotionally with me, especially after sex. I think it’s because men are very physical creatures, the physical nature of the sex act tends to help them open up on an emotional level. Being the loving, comforting, mothering type that I am just adds to my ability to connect to men on this other level.

Their reactions after sex remind me of getting a massage when all that tension is released and sometimes people cry. I’ve cried after a massage and after sex so I can understand. It feels like a touching of inner chords that are connected to deeply dwelling raw emotion and it’s a relief to let it all go with someone you trust.

It felt good that he asked me, someone close to him, instead of picking up a random girl in a bar. I have to also say, it wasn’t as one sided as it may seem. It has been awhile since I’ve had sex and this was as much for me as for him. I felt strangely comfortable in the role of sexual healer. Maybe I should take up a new profession…

Just me…Marissa…Sacred Whore

    turn the page ~~>