December 23, 2007

Leading up to the new year 2008, I’m thinking about all this past (and present) crap and trying to get a handle on where to go from here. I was reading around yesterday and found this great blog Hack Yourself, written by Michael Montoure. He gives permission to copy his work under this licensing agreement so here is part of what he says…

Stop assigning blame. This is the first step. Stop assigning blame and leave the past behind you.

You know whose fault it is that your life isn’t perfect. Your boss. Your teachers. Your ex-lovers. The ones who hurt you, the ones who abused you, the ones who left you bleeding. Or even yourself. You know whose fault it is — you’ve been telling yourself your whole life. Knowing whose fault it is that your life sucks is an excellent way to absolve yourself of any reponsibility for taking your life into your own hands.

Forget about it. Let it go. The past isn’t real.

Funny, I’ve always blamed myself for past troubles, not really the other person. I guess other people blame the people around them. I have a hard time letting go of responsibility for fucking up my whole life. I have friends that tell me it’s not me but I have a hard time believing that. There is one constant in all these failed relationships…me. So while I agree with Montoure about taking personal responsibility, I have to say that has not been my problem. He says,

If we’re not talking about something that is real and present and in your life right now, then it doesn’t matter. Nothing can be done about it. If nothing can be done about it, then don’t spend your energy dwelling on it — you have other things to do.

Writing about my past helps me to let it go. I’m not dwelling on it. The problems that plague me are current. So in my case, I’d like to ask Montoure, “What if the problem is something that IS real and present in your life right now?” It’s all fine and good to let go of past mistakes but what about things that are happening now?

He goes on to say a lot of other interesting things about self analysis and changing the things you hate to improve yourself but the thing that hit me the most out of his whole site was this last part…

Despite everything I’ve just said:

Self-examination can be paralysis.

Don’t “remember to breathe” — just breathe. It’s a Tao thing.

It’s the paradox at the center of all this — remember that, “Am I living up to being the person I want to be?”, is not a question the person you want to be would ask.

If I can leave you with just one thought, it’s this:

Stop wasting your time fretting over not being happy.

Just be happy.

Just be happy? It’s that simple? Now if I can do that…it’ll be a great new year.

On this Eve of Christmas Eve I’m wishing you happiness, however you can get it.

Now if he’d just call…ha ha

Just me…Marissa

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