December 12, 2007

I am the muse

That floats into your life for a brief moment

Teaches you a lesson

And leaves as quickly as I came

You may miss me

You may not

But you will remember

If not me, then the lesson.

I’m beginning to think I am a muse. My purpose in life is not to be with anyone but to touch many lives, one at a time, in small ways. I know I have changed the lives of the men I have known. In one way or another they have taken something of me with them when they left.

When you love, you love completely.

Jonathan once said that to me.

He was right.

I can’t stop loving this way. When I fall in love I fall into someone. I fall completely and immerse myself in this other person. I learn from them and I teach them. I become a part of them and they become part of me. Beginnings are so sweet like the opening of a door or a present. You don’t know what’s behind it but you can’t wait to find out.

I do love completely and I love that I do. I love losing myself in a new love. There is no feeling like it in the world…no drug…no experience like falling in love.

The one long term relationship I had felt like chains. I felt imprisoned and I needed to be free…I needed to find my next love. I was no longer needed as his muse. Someone else was calling me. I felt a pull.

It’s a lonely life being a muse but it’s filled with brief moments that feel like walking on a star…like sparkling, dazzling, light filling the sky.

Can I learn to be happy just being a muse? It’s a tough job but the benefits…mmm.

Maybe…

Just me…Marissa the Muse

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