February 25, 1989
All the days, the hours, spent laying together in front of the tv watching The Days and Nights of Molly Dodd, and The Tracey Ullman Show, all the nights of wild, sexual abandon and grilled cheese sandwiches, mornings of hot coffee and promises…all gone. Whispered I love yous…all gone.
We went to the Poison concert and afterwards all hell broke loose.
Our new “friend,” the cute little blond bitch! Her husband was there and he and I were stunned, speechless, lost. I was screaming…tears streaming down my face.
“What?”
“I love her.”
“You what? You love HER? I thought you loved me?”
“I did. I do. I mean she’s older, ready to be serious. You’re only 19.”
“So you’re leaving me because I’m 19? That’s crazy! That’s not fair! I can’t help that I’m 19. I’m here with you. I love you. You love me. She’s married! She has three kids with him. How is that ok and 19 isn’t?”
“I don’t know.”
He walked away. I didn’t know what else to say. He’d been drinking and passed out shortly thereafter. I was worried about him, tried to take care of him and she was there pushing herself in.
“Leave him alone. Why are you doing this? You’re married.”
“I love him.”
“So do I.”
We sat there and just looked at each other. I couldn’t blame him for falling for her. She was wonderful, beautiful. I guess I could say I fell in love with her in a way, too. But she was married, she had a wonderful man and children, a happy life. She was taking that all away from me, the possibility of my having those things with him. How could she be so selfish? She was my friend.
I loved her and I hated her all at once. Cleveland, my Cleveland, would never be the same. I wanted to move here. It wasn’t just the man but the city I fell in love with.
Fuck it! I’m not letting them ruin Cleveland for me! It’s a big city. I don’t have to see them. I can make new friends, find a new job. She might have taken him away but she won’t take Cleveland away.
I keep thinking about her husband and children, such a shock, such a shame.
Sad…so sad…
Just me…Marissa
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