October 12, 2007
I’m finding that living an openly bisexual life is more difficult that I imagined. In the world of swingers, many get into it because the woman wants a bisexual experience. Most men fantasize about this so they are more than happy to allow their wives the pleasure. Now I am no longer married. I’m no longer just looking for the hook-up but for something more real. Now that I have had a life that included sex with both men and women can I go back to just choosing one for a relationship?
What brought this on was a discussion I had yesterday with the “turn ’round the park” guy. He always makes me think about things. I told him about the question Hobo Architect posed on his You really can’t go wrong with Porn post. If you found out someone you dated had made a porn movie would you still date them? I also added what about other sexual things like if you found out they had same sex relationships in their past?
He tells me, “As long as they are disease free now it wouldn’t matter to me if they made porn movies in the past. If I like the person they are now, that’s all that matters.”
Good answer. But what he said next worried me a bit.
“The bisexual thing would bother me more. It’s mostly because I’d worry there was something I couldn’t provide, something she needed or wanted. I wouldn’t want her to have to go find that somewhere else.”
I thought that seemed like a very male way of looking at most things. They want to fix everything. They want to have all the answers. They don’t like to share, for the most part. I also thought about what that means to my dating possibilities.
As I have said before, I am bisexual. I enjoy being with both men and women. I think if I was in a relationship with one or the other I probably would feel restricted. I could be with a man, for instance, but would still want an occasional sexual experience with a woman. Can I really expect a man to agree to this? Is it fair? And then the opposite…is it fair for him to ask me to be only part of who I am?
I’m struggling with all these issues and more as I start dating again. I’ve had a couple of nice days and am really feeling hopeful but also cautious and wary. Coming out to new people is hard. I want to find love without having to hide myself.
A thoughtful day…
Just me…Marissa
2 comments
Comments feed for this article
October 12, 2007 at 2:33 pm
modobs
Well, you certainly shouldn’t hide who you are. It’s the others that have to adapt to you.
October 12, 2007 at 4:35 pm
nickbrom
Marissa
You are right I believe about men not wanting to share but wanting a share. Look at the number of swingers adds where a couple are looking for a bi-female but not a single man. 90% maybe. ? Controlling yes I reckon as I find it hard to believe that such a high number of the females do not have a fantasy of a MMF.
Jump in with haste repent at leisure.. (for repaint read hurt perhaps)
Actually is the fact that your are bi so critical? If you were a bloke (glad you are not btw) and had more than one girl you were seeing would anyone really comment? probably not … you wish to do similarly with a bloke and a girl…. no problem…………….. who are we to judge…