October 3, 2007
This post was inspired by a new blogging acquaintance, (can I say friend?), drunk american. He posted Thing About Oral Sex on his Drunken Dialogue weblog and it brought up all kinds of thoughts and remembrances for me.
I never used to like giving oral sex. I didn’t see any benefit to me. Yes, I know that’s a selfish attitude to have but that was the truth. I also had a very bad experience with one man that turned me completely off to blowjobs. He held my head down and I couldn’t breathe. He wouldn’t let go. Eventually I just bit him! He deserved it.
Anyway, from that point on I never wanted to give a guy a blowjob. I never really liked it before, and that was the last straw. In over 14 years of marriage, my husband rarely got that from me and absolutely never to completion. I wasn’t afraid he would hurt me but I was so turned off by the experience that I had absolutely no interest.
Enter my Logan.
A couple of years ago I started experimenting sexually. I’ve written about a few of my experiences already. This man I met, my Logan as I now call him, the man that became my lover and eventually the owner of my heart, changed so much for me. One of those things was overcoming my aversion to oral sex.
He put me at ease. He never expected or insisted on anything including oral sex. He always let me choose when, where and what we would do. Not that he didn’t make suggestions, he made some great suggestions. My husband was part of the planning until our separation but still, I was always in control.
That make a huge difference!
When a woman is made to feel that she has to perform oral sex because it is her duty to her husband/boyfriend, because he wants and enjoys it, or because she’s being controlled, she loses any real desire and therefore any chance of ever enjoying it herself. I’m a strong, independently minded woman, and I just refused to do it.
“Take me or leave me but you’re not getting a blowjob.”
That was my attitude…until Logan. He’s the only man I’ve ever wanted to get down on my knees for. I got such a thrill out of his reactions to what I was doing. He’d tell me how good it felt and how great I was at doing it. I liked it so much I asked him to teach me how to do it better. He’s told me there’s only been one other woman that ever gave him a blowjob as good as I do. Wow! To think I never used to like doing that.
Just by being respectful, giving me control and encouraging my efforts he taught me how to enjoy oral sex. We taught each other many things, sexually speaking. We tried many new things together, too. The last two years have been a veritable sexual circus for me, and he was my partner on the flying trapeze.
Ahhh…the feeling of exhilaration when you can let go and you know your partner is holding you, you know you’re safe and he’ll bring you back down where you started leaving only the joyful feeling of having flown.
Logan gave me wings. He taught me to fly. He let me fly with him.
Now he’s gone.
Earthbound. Wings clipped.
Just me…Marissa
11 comments
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October 3, 2007 at 5:15 pm
Jak
great post. some strong advice for life in general, sex et all.
October 3, 2007 at 8:31 pm
drunk american
(i’d be humbled if you could say friend…)
your capacity for introspection is truly wonderful…
true, you may be temporarily grounded, but i am sure you will be soaring again in no time… probably with you giving the lessons on teaching someone else how to fly…
October 3, 2007 at 10:43 pm
justmemarissa
Jak – Sometimes you don’t know the full impact of your words until someone else reads them. Thank you for noticing they went beyond the topic at hand.
I’ll be visiting your blog more to read your beautiful way with words.
October 3, 2007 at 10:50 pm
justmemarissa
DA – My FRIEND…:)
I appreciate the sentiment. I look deep, sometimes too deep, into my own life in the hopes that maybe someone can get something out of it.
I love that you read and enjoy my posts. Your insights always make me think. I treasure your comments.
I guess my flying is experienced in words now. I’m perched here in cyberspace. Real life is a little too harsh for this bird. Someday my wings will grow back and I’ll fly again.
For now, I’m enjoying the connection I have with cyber friends, you included.
Thanks again.
October 5, 2007 at 4:33 am
modobs
There’s nothing better when envy drives sex.
Thank you for adding me to your blogroll! I’ve just added yours to mine.
October 5, 2007 at 11:17 am
justmemarissa
modobs – I like reading good writers that have inspiring or thought-provoking ideas. You do. I added you to my blogroll so others could find you, too. Thanks for doing the same and for the comment.
October 5, 2007 at 10:21 pm
drunk american
every time i read your tag line of “just me…” i can’t help but think to myself that you sound a bit apologetic when you say/write that…
i hope i am reading that wrong because you seem just plenty enough for any person or occasion.
glad you were happy… hope you can coast on that good feeling for quite a while longer…
October 7, 2007 at 2:38 pm
ritchardanarchyludlow
I think it’s interesting that when you say “oral sex” you automatically mean fellatio.
October 7, 2007 at 2:48 pm
justmemarissa
richard – I wasn’t ready to talk about my bisexual tendencies on this post…guess I could have used different wording to be clear. I never had an aversion to going down on a girl…just never did until two years ago. Most of my life has been lived as a heterosexual. Maybe the aversion should have led me to a different choice earlier. Hindsight…
thanks for your comment.
October 7, 2007 at 8:20 pm
ritchardanarchyludlow
Well, I just think it’s interesting that a lot of ’straight’ (as you were at the time) people tend to talk about oral sex like it’s just a woman-on-man thing, like cunnilingus doesn’t exist, like the women never recieve any. Straight people, eh? What are they like.
October 7, 2007 at 8:59 pm
justmemarissa
ritchard – I never thought about that. I guess I’ve been lucky that I’ve got plenty of man-on-woman in my life. My aversion was woman-on-man so that’s what I wrote about. Now I don’t have an aversion either way! It all works for me. Yeah, straight people…hmm.