May 8, 1990
A guy came into the video store where I work today. I’ve talked to him before. He’s really nice and not bad looking. He asked me out and I didn’t know what to say. I’m pregnant and not just a little bit. I’m 7 months pregnant. What was he thinking?
He couldn’t possibly want to seriously date a pregnant girl, not one that is pregnant with someone else’s baby anyway. I’m with the dad or anything, but still. It’s weird. It’s not like I wouldn’t like to go out with him, but not now. I feel vulnerable. I feel unattractive. I AM unattractive. For Christ’s sake I’m huge!
Dating is not something I can do now. I’ve just decided that after he asked. I can’t.
If not now, then when? I’m not sure. I won’t be before the baby is born, and then after I won’t feel good about myself until I lost the baby weight and get back in shape. Nine months to gain it, nine months to lose it, I’ve heard. It could be a long time, but that’s ok. I’ll have a baby to worry about. I don’t need a man.
It’s something of a relief to say that. There were too many men, too many disappointments, too many mistakes over the last few years. I don’t want to deal with that right now.
I hope my baby’s a girl, but if it’s a boy I’m going to teach him how to treat girls and I’m going to teach him what girls mean when they say things. I’m going to be a good mom. Somehow I’m ready. I don’t know why but I feel that way. Things got so bad in my life that the baby rescued me, in a way. It gave me a reason to live when I was feeling really empty.
I hope it’s ok. I get scared sometimes that something will go wrong. I know I didn’t plan to have this baby but I still care about it. It’s mine. How could I not? I never, ever could give my baby up for adoption. That’s just unthinkable to me. I know other mothers do and I’m glad they do. Some people shouldn’t have kids! And the babies go to good families that want kids and can’t have them. I just know I couldn’t do it.
I’m excited, and scared, but what’s going to happen is going to happen and I can’t stop it now.
I wonder when I’m going to feel like me again. I wonder when I’ll want to date again.
Someday…
Just me…Marissa
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October 2, 2007 at 6:25 am
drunk american
um, i recently met a woman who was seven months pregnant and she was very cute. i think her pregnancy added to that. some pregnant women have that glow about them, and she had that. there is something about impending motherhood that is so very sexy!
October 2, 2007 at 8:22 am
justmemarissa
It’s good to know that some men feel that way. Frankly, us women don’t FEEL very sexy when we are that pregnant and we feel vulnerable, physically. It was really a strange time.