November 15, 2005
“What are you NOT saying?”
“We need to take a break. We’re getting too close.”
“Ok. For how long?”
“I don’t know. A few weeks maybe.”
“Just not seeing each other? Can we talk?”
“We can talk.”
That was last night, on the phone. We were having the most normal conversation and he was distant. We hung up and I called him back a few minutes later. I knew there was something he had left unsaid.
Are we getting too close? I don’t know. I mean we’re great friends. I talk to him nearly every day. We connect on so many levels and the sex…the sex is amazing! Sex is sex though right? Are we getting too close? What does that mean?
Nora Jones and a hot bath. That’s what I need, I thought. In the tub I started crying. Why? He was just a friend. This was supposed to be fun not serious. This was simply sexual exploration. When we started this whole thing it was because we, my husband and I, had been together for so long. We both wanted to try something new and this man came into our lives. He’s a friend to both of us. A friend. A friend I have sex with. A friend with benefits, as they say. Nothing more. Or…
Is there something more? Am I feeling more for him? That day in September I know I did but things have been normal since then. Normal, right, normal, whatever that is. I feel compassion for him, empathy. I know I care about him as a friend. We all have fun together.
I love my husband.
Or do I?
I haven’t been happy for a long time. Not truly happy, but isn’t that what all couples go through? This man is just new to me. I’m feeling exhilarated. I’m feeling desirable again, that’s all it is. It’s not more. It’s not…love. Oh god no. It’s just fun.
A few weeks without seeing him. I can do this. It’s ok. I’m fine.
Just me…Marissa
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September 29, 2007 at 6:53 am
Trailer Thoughts
Love is supposed to hurt. At least that is what I tell myself so I can rationalize why it always hurts me. But that pain teaches us something most of the time.
September 29, 2007 at 10:29 am
justmemarissa
That’s true. Love has taught me many lessons. Maybe that’s the whole story. I’m here to learn lessons from love. Maybe by writing this here, someone else can learn them the easy way, instead of the hard way like I did. Thanks for reading…and commenting.