December 25, 1987

What does this mean? What in the hell does this mean?

He’s been away for months and I’ve been waiting. I’m lonely. I miss him. I only get to talk on the phone to him every couple of weeks. The Air Force isn’t very accomadating. How can any woman stand this?

He’s home now for Christmas and I was so happy to see him. I thought he’d be happy to see me too. He brought gifts for everyone. I wondered what he had picked out for me. He’s been around the world. It could be anything! I was really excited. An exotic gift from some far away place. We opened ours one at a time so everyone could see. The tension was building. I’m his girlfriend. My gift would surely be the most special.

A sweater?

A big, much too big, ugly gray sweater?

That’s my gift?

That’s the special thing he picked out just for me?

I have never had such a moment of utter disappointment in my life. Pretend to smile I kept telling myself, while I feel a sick pain in my stomach. I wanted to cry right there in front of everyone but I didn’t. I remarked how soft it was, how comfortable. I thanked him but I knew. This gift was not bought for me. It was an afterthought. He had forgotten to get me something and gave me a gift he had bought for someone else, maybe even for himself! It’s not feminine. It’s not me. He knows me better than that.

We had fallen madly in love with each other this past summer. We were torn apart by the Air Force. I’ve waited. I’ve been patient, ok impatient but I tried. I cried. I’m lonely and what does he bring me? A sweater. I’d like to tell him, “Give your Aunt Muriel the sweater! I want a gift that says you love me.”

Just me…Marissa

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