September 26, 2007

 

I know the very moment I started to have feelings for him. It was a beautiful sunny day in September, two years ago, just like the day we said goodbye. I thought we’d always be friends, he said so and I believed. I wanted to believe. He wasn’t the type of man I thought I’d want to be with. He wasn’t affectionate when we were in public. He was passionate but reserved. Secretive about many things but he shared so much with me. We had something neither one of us had had in our lives before. We weren’t sure what that meant or what to do about it. So we just kept going along day after day getting closer and becoming more and more a part of each other’s lives.

 

We had been friends for about three months when I got a call from him. He had been to a funeral that day and wanted to meet me. I could tell he was troubled so I didn’t ask I just agreed. We met in a park. We sat on a picnic table next to each other without touching looking out at the sunlight streaking through the trees, the yellow leaves of fall and feeling the slight crispness in the air. It was a perfect day. We didn’t speak for many moments and then he began.

 

He told me he wanted love in his life, a family, a woman of his own and that he felt he would never have that. He was feeling all of his thirty-two years and the passing of time too quickly. I had my children young, got married and was feeling trapped in my life at the time. I could understand his wanting those things but I also understood they came with a price. I wished at that moment that I could reach out to him and say, “I’m here,” but I couldn’t. The circumstances of my life didn’t allow me to do that but I realized at that very moment that I was feeling something I had never felt before.

 

Just me…Marissa

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